I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
