I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
