shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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