Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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