apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
