Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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