Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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