Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
