my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
