Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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