she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
