It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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