I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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