I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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