My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize