nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
