Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
