guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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