I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
