we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
