dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
