I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
