You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
