it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
