nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
