Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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