my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
