I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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