I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
