I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
