Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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