Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
