sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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