is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You've changed since you got that strap on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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