There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Less talking, more tequila
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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