Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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