Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
