dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
