Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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