I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
