Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
