They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
