everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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