I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
