I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
