i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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