Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
