Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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