Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
