first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize