theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
