Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
