sarcasm needs its own font
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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