like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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