YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
