My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize