pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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