What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
