We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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