it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
