Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
