You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
