wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
