when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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