What a fucking waste of an outfit
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
