Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
